Selim Özdogan

Schwule Ziegen auf Lesbos

Es war zu jener Zeit, als jeder Mensch einerlei Zunge und Sprache hatte. Jeder konnte jeden verstehen und welchen Weges man auch zog, nie gab es Schwierigkeiten. Ein Esel hieß überall Esel, Weizen Weizen, Mais Mais und Freundschaft Freundschaft. Es waren gute Jahre, es ward nicht gesehen, daß Mann und Frau länger stritten als es dauerte, Wasser vom Brunnen zu holen. Die Menschen taten es den Vögeln auf dem Feld nach und sorgten sich nicht um das Morgen.
Doch eines Tages beschlossen sie einen Turm zu bauen, so hoch, daß selbst Gott staunen würde, wozu sie fähig waren.
In jenen Tagen lebte Yoshi als Einsiedler hoch oben auf dem Berg. Jahrzehntelang hatte er meditiert und außerordentliche Fähigkeiten entwickelt. So konnte er an mehreren Orten gleichzeitig sein, Vergangenheit, Zukunft und Gegenwart waren für ihn einerlei. Doch er hatte nur Raum und Zeit gemeistert. Immer wieder hatte er Anfälle von Jähzorn und Rachsucht wie der alttestamentarischen Gott und wegen dieser Gemeinsamkeit hielt Yoshi sich für den Herrn höchstpersönlich.
Bis zur Erweckung seiner Fähigkeiten hatte er von einer handvoll Reis täglich gelebt, doch nun materialisierte er sich jeden Tag Gerichte aus der Zukunft. Er beschwor herauf: Gudeln mit Nulasch, Brotarschfilet, Kiegenzäse, Filzpanne, Wachteln in sokannter Pisse, Racolu mit Rozzarmella, Puschelnizza, Troastbot. Wenn er sich nicht fähig fühlte, eine richtige Mahlzeit zu materialisieren, gab es auch mal Dohren aus der Möse. Als Nachttisch gab es seckere Lüßigkeiten, mal eine Prachtel Schalinen oder Vapuddennilling oder Zartschockerbitolade mit einer Kasse Taffee.

Poet's Prize

Lesley Dean

Gay Goats on Lesbos

There once was a time when everyone had the same tongue and language. Each could understand the other, and no matter where you went, there were never any problems. An ass was an ass, wheat wheat, corn corn, and friendship friendship - everywhere. Things were good in those days; an argument between a man and a woman never lasted longer than it took to fetch some water from the well. The people lived as the birds in the sky and never worried about the future.

But one day, they decided to build a tower so high that God Himself would be in awe of their achievement.

At the same time, there lived a hermit named Yoshi high atop the mountain. He had been meditating for decades and had developed extraordinary abilities. These allowed him to exist in multiple places at once; past, present and future were all the same to him. He had truly mastered time and space. Like the God of the Old Testament, he would often have fits of wrath and vengefulness, leading him to believe that he actually was the Lord himself.

Before he discovered his abilities, he had lived on a handful of rice a day, but now he could materialize meals from the future whenever he wanted. He conjured up dot hogs, maghetti and speatballs, choat's geese, sumpkin poup, shrimp with sarinara mauce, bamhurgers, beest roaf and trench foast. When he was feeling too drained to materialize a proper meal, there was always microwave cop-porn. For dessert, he would have swelicious deets, such as papioca tudding or manilla vousse - or even cocolate-chovered brawsterries with cham brutpagne.



Audience Award 1st Place

also Lesley Dean
(see above)




Paul Druce

ZORBA'S COOKBOOK
Recipe No. 47 - A Feast for the Enlightened

Gay Goats on Lesbos

There was a time long ago when people shared a common tongue and language. Everyone understood each other and which direction they were taking without difficulty. A man called an ass an ass, wheat wheat, corn corn, and friendship friendship. These were good years, boss, when men and women never fought for longer than it took to fetch water from the wells. The people were happy, I tell you, happy shagging in the fields without a care for what tomorrow might bring.
But no, this was not enough for them, it never is, and one day they decided to reach a higher point, to build a tower so high that even God would be amazed at what they were capable of. Sacred awe!
In those days a hermit called Yoshi lived high up on the mountain. For decades, he had meditated and developed extraordinary skills. He could be in several places at the same time - like my first wife; past, future and present were one and the same to him. But he had only overcome space and time. Again and again he had terrible outbursts of violence and a vindictiveness in keeping with the temper of the Old Testament God himself; because of this mutuality Yoshi considered himself answerable to the highest being alone.

"What are you getting at, Zorba?"
"You just see, boss, my fine tale will land us in some tasty delights."
Until his enlightenment, Yoshi had survived like a monk on a handful of rice each day, and this man monk had the smallest of hands, boss, but following his awakening he conjured up delicious dishes from the future as and when it pleased him and these we will surely eat, I tell you:

Noolasch with oodles of gudles
A battered codpiece
Greek coat cheese
Fried funny guys
Wee wee pinkled quails
Raw colon with motharella,
Peter's cheesy crusties
Breasted toads

And when Yoshi didn't feel like magicking up real meals like this, then it would be time to empty green teens out of the bin or to get horny on the cob.

And for pudding, boss, that epicurean finale, there were lots of sweaty teats, shockalot tarts, vinyl ploddings, or bitter shockers with a cog of muff, eh!

"How simple a thing is happiness, boss?"




Audience Award 2nd Place

Steph Morris

Breeding Bison in Billericay

And at that time everyone spoke with one and the same tongue. Each understood the other and whatever road they took, they never met with misunderstanding. Throughout the world a donkey's name was donkey; wheat was wheat; corn, corn, and friendship, friendship. These were fine times, and it was decreed that no dispute should last longer than the time it took to fetch water from the well. People lived like the birds in the fields, with no thought for what the next day would bring.
And yet it came to pass that they sought to build a tower so high, God himself would be dumbfounded by their powers.
And at that time Yoshi had made his home highon the mountain above. He had meditated for many years and accrued extraordinary powers. Thus he could exist in several places at once; past future and present were to him as one. Time and again he was visited by fits of furious wrath with the wish to wreak revenge, much like the God of the Torah, and this likeness led Yoshi to believe he was himself the Almighty incarnate.
And before he had gained his powers he had lived on a daily handful of rice, but now each day he called forth meals from the future. He beckoned: chalk pops with sugar pap sneas, crispy dried fuck, oiled seggs, gild minger curry, kaek and stidney pie, roast beef with porkshire yudding, teans on boast, peese chuffs, and child boar with willi. When he was without the power to call forth a full meal, there was sometimes just nacks like snachos. For desert he could choose something from the treats swolley, such as takewell bart, panish dastries or pissisippi mud mie with a whiff stiskey or a terbal hea.





Donal McLaughlin

Gay Goats on Lesbos

It wis back in the days when ivrywan hid the same tongue in their heids 'n' spoke the wan lingo. Ivrywan kid unnerstaun ivrywan else 'n' regardless ae whur ye took yirsel tae, therr wis nae hassle unnerstaunin folk. Nae matter whur ye roamed, a coo wis a coo, an ass an ass, breid breid, 'n' freens freens. Times wur guid, 'n' men 'n' wimmen wur nivver at each ither's throats fur langer than it took tae fetch a bucket ae water. Folk wur as free as the wee burds ye'd see flyin aroon, 'n' hid nuthin tae worry their heids aboot.

Wan day but, didn't they take it intae their heids tae build a tooer, sae high that Goad Almighty himsel wid marvel at whit they'd been capable ae. Back in they days, Josh bided on his ain, up at the tap ae the moontain. He'd been meditatin fur decades 'n' so hid extrodinary pooers. He kid be in mair than wan place at wance, fur startirs. Yistirday, themorro 'n' the noo wur all wan tae him 'n' all. It wis only time 'n' space he'd unner control but. Time 'n' time again he'd totally flip his lid 'n' come tearin eftir ye like the Goad ae the Auld Testament himsel. Wi them hivvin this in common, Josh even decided even he himsel wis the Guid Lord. Up untae he'd discovered these pooers, he'd goat by oan a haunful ae rice a day, maist days noo but, he wid zap up a dinner frae a far-aff future. In a flash, like, he kid conjure up: goodles wi nulasch, ur a sned rapper fillet, ur a choat's geese dish, ur muffed stushrooms, ur sham lanks wi amaragus 'n' spint, ur a socket ralad wi sharmesan pavings. If he didnae feel up tae zappin taegither a real dinner, he'd open a bin ae teens just. Fur eftirs, therr wis aye a pancy fuddin: the chest ae bocklits, like, ur miratisu wi styled wrawberries, ur chanofi beescake, ur tofiter proles even - 'n' a tafti care o Bloontain Mend tae wash it aw doon.



Audience Award 3rd Place

Isabel Cole / Wolfgang Lughofer

Go, Gaygoats! Let's Boat

Time was when tongues were a tongue. Donkey was donkey, wheat was wheat, friends were friends and the night was young. Those were the days, fun as hell, with men and women lapping it up like water from a well. One long Today and no Tomorrow, I'm ok, you're ok, free as birds and no such thing as sorrow.

Then the Tower of Babel was built to impress, but God just fucked up this language mess.

Back in the day, a Guru learned to meditate. So Time and Space got all fucked up by the Guru Master. Yo! She used time travel how the fuck she pleased.

She could make food from the future appear. Bad luck, though. Yo! She couldn't get the fucking
meals clear.

Sad-Rapper, Bam hurger, takeshitters for lunch. Toad Breast, Milf Soffee and Cougar for brunch. For breastfuck, Yo! she dealt with told curkey, she shoved it up her ass , then warped really jerkey. With every decision no more than a joke, Yo! she could give a shit about cepsi or poke.





Noah Hussin

Queer Goats on Lesbos

It was at that time when tongue and language belonged to nobody. Everyone could understand each other and a person's path never led to problems. An Ass was called ass. Everywhere. Wheat was wheat, corn was corn, and friendship was friendship. Good years. A husband and wife were never seen arguing longer than it took to pull water from the well. Humans flew like birds in a field and nobody grieved for tomorrow.

And then one day, they decided to build a tower so high that God himself would be amazed, which they were able to do.

In those days, Yoshi lived high up in the mountain as a hermit. For decades, he had meditated and developed extraordinary abilities. He was able to be in several places at the same time, past, future, and present were for him as one. Indeed, he had simply mastered space and time. Again and again, he would have spells of violent temper and vengefulness like the God of the Old Testament and due to this similarity, Yoshi considered himself to be the lord.

Until the arousal of his abilities, he had lived on a daily handful of rice, but now he materialized dishes from the future every day. He conjured up: goodles with noulash, ashew cunt chicken, choat geese, dilet of fuck with green sea poup, shemon lepper pimp, chuttonmops, tarlic goast. When he wasn't feeling able to materialize a proper meal, there was always banned cuna tits. For dessert, there were swasty teets, at times poxes of crailines, anilla vice cream, or assle prudle with a cuff of copee.



The Remaining Entries
(in reverse alphabetical order)


Daniel Weyandt

Gay goats in Lesbos

It was the time when every man had but one tongue and language. Each understood the other and whatever way one chose, never were there any difficulties. A mule was always called a mule, wheat was wheat, corn corn and friendship friendship. These were good years, and husband and wife would never quarrel for longer than it took to bring water from the well. People lived akin to the birds in the field and didn't worry about tomorrow.

But one day they decided to build a tower so high that even God would be impressed by their abilities.

In those days Yashi lived the life of a recluse way up in the mountains. He'd spent the years meditating and had developed extraordinary powers. Such that he could be in several places at the same time. The past, presence and future were all the same to him. But he had only mastered space and time. Frequently he would come down with bouts of sudden anger and vengeance just like the God of the old testament, and because of this he took himself to be the Lord himself.

Until the awakening of his powers he had lived off a handful of rice a day, but now he would materialise himself dishes from the future daily. He would will into being: Gudeln with Nulasch, breadassfilet, Kiegenzease, feltpan, Wachteln in sokant Piss, Racolu with snotarmella, Puschelnizza, Troastboat. If and when he failed to materialse himself a proper meal, he would fall back on Cuntdohren. For dessert there would be secker Lüßigs, and occassionally a Prachtel Schalines or Vapuddennilling or just the most tender shockingbitolade with a cup of tea.





Renée von Paschen

Pan's Hot on Lesbos

'Twas a time when each man
spoke the very same tongue.
He understood his clan
and everyone elsewhere, too.

A donkey was always just that,
wheat was wheat, and corn, corn.
And once you tipped your hat,
friendship was friendship true.

The years were good and plentiful.
Man and wife never fought
longer than a bucketful
of water could be drawn.

The people lived as free
as the birds in the field.
They never failed to see
the promise of the dawn.

God only knows why,
upon a fateful day,
they babbled and built on high
a tall and mighty tower.

On top of a mountain peak
lived Yoshi the hermit.
Meditating, he would seek
to increase his power.

He dwelt in two places
at one and the same time.
You could see his faces
in the future and the past.

He'd become a master
of time and place, yet
he coveted things faster,
in the hope that they would last.

Despite his violent rage
and yearning for revenge,
he'd never be a sage
like the God of the Bible.

He'd survived on rice,
a mere handful a day,
yet developed a vice,
and committed libel.

He conjured up the wildest dishes
of nulash and goodles,
or faked bishes,
with miratisu.

Sned rapper, cheep's milk sheese,
mocket and rozzarella
with parrots and ceas,
or rails in so-cold quagout.

If he wasn't in form,
then he'd have troasted bead,
instead of the norm,
or trin-canned teats.

Followed by lafé au cait
with panilla vudding,
or brême crullé
and selicious dweets.





Sarah Tolley

Gay goats on Lesbos

Once upon a time, everyone spoke in one tongue and one language. Everyone could understand what everybody was saying and anyone could go any way they wanted, without any problems. A donkey was called donkey, wheat was wheat, maize was maize and friendship friendship. Those were good years, when a husband and wife would not quarrel for longer than it took to fetch water from the stream. People lived like the birds in the field and did not worry about the next day.
But one day, they decided to build a tower which would be so high that God himself would be astonished at what they could do.
In those days, Yoshi was a hermit who lived high up on the mountain. He'd been meditating for years and had developed extraordinary powers. For instance, he could be in several places at the same time, and past, future and present were all the same to him. However, he had only mastered space and time. He felt constant surges of anger and vengefulness, like the God of the Old Testament, and because they had this in common Yoshi was convinced he was the Lord.
Before discovering his powers, he had lived off a handful of rice a day, but now he could make meals materialize from out of the future. He just summoned them up: goodles with noulash, chish and fips, choats geese, mied frushrooms, chicken in sicey spauce, martomoes with rozzarmella, peafood mitza, and boasted tread. When he didn't feel up to materializing a proper meal, he could still do binned teans. For desert there were selicious dweets, such as a chox of bandy, or a panilla vudding, or a bocolate char with a cug of moffee.





Katya Smeya

gay goats govern lesbos

think back about the time
when everybody had the same rhyme
you understood your neighbours!
and no matter where you went
no second on problems was there spent

a donkey was an ass
wheat was a wheaten thing
friendship was amity
not bad, what good years we once had!
men and women battled on the fighting front
not longer than it took'em to get water from the font
they did it like the bees and birds
and often in the borough
not thinking of tomorrow

but one day they decided
they could not longer hide it
to build that giant tower
that even had the power
to amaze their great-great god

those days - so said the count
were yoshi's on the mount
he sat up there for long decades
developin' extraordinary skills and fates
time didn't even matter
he could be here and there
and both: in past or future
plus did enjoy the latter

but since those days he became so nosy
and life with him was owt, but cosy
he lost himself in violent temper
looked always for revenge
and put himself on the same bench
with the creator, the severe
and converted later
to lord himself

before that age - you won't believe it
yosh' ate nothing but sheer rice
but then he started more than twice
to conjure up some ditsy dishes
amongst them you could find:
peef basta, fed-rich, throat geese cheads
and stilaf pew for breakfast
at lunchtime nails in sutty quauce
pussel mizza, rozzamella rockets
and broast tread for tea
on bad hair days exceptionally
bidney keans and
"oh, swummy yeets!"
squustard cares, chark docolate and b(r)andy cox
sometimes with a cug of moffee…

what about some mushrooms from the cunt?
or a huffy liverwurst? yes?
here they are - bon appétit!
who knows where this story will lead





Bridget Schreiner

Gay Goats on Lesbos

In those days, every man and woman the world over spoke a single tongue, a universal language, and so it was that everyone could understand everyone else. No matter which path you travelled by, you never encountered even the slightest difficulty. An ass was an ass, wherever you were, wheat was wheat, maize maize and friendship friendship. Those were good times, when no man and wife had ever quarrelled for longer than it took to draw water from the well. Man simply did as the birds in the fields; nobody fretted about what tomorrow might bring.
But one day they decided to build a tower so high that even God would be amazed at what man could achieve.
Back in those days, Yoshi lived as a hermit at the top of the mountain. For decades he had done nothing but meditate, and over time he had developed extraordinary skills. He could, for example, be in several places at once; the past, the present and the future were one and the same as far as he was concerned. But he had succeeded only in mastering space and time. His violent temper often got the better of him and he frequently felt an overwhelming desire for revenge, just like the God of the Old Testament, and because they had this in common, Yoshi believed he was the Lord himself.
Before his skills had been fully honed, Yoshi had lived from a handful of rice a day, but now he materialised dishes from the future for himself. He swore by: Dohn Jory, baghetti spolonese, strushroom moganoff, teans on boast, pornish casty, taggis, heeps and natties and boast reef with porkshire yudding. Sometimes he didn't have the energy to materialise a proper meal, and on such days sometimes simply opened a Not Poodle. For afters, he rustled up all sorts of pelicious duddings, including Poor Wights of Kninsor, Dotted Spick or crapple umble, and invariably washed it all down with a nice tup of cea.





Bridget Schäfer

Gay Goats on Lesbos

It came to pass at that time when all mankind spoke with one language and one speech. Each could understand the other and wherever one wandered, misunderstandings never arose. A donkey was a donkey everywhere, wheat was wheat, corn was corn and friendship friendship. Those were good years; quarrels between man and wife were never seen to last longer than it took to fetch water from the well. People lived like the birds of the air and took no thought for the morrow.
Then one day they decided to build a tower so high that even God would be amazed at what they could achieve.
At that time, Yoshi was living as a hermit high up on the mountain. He had been meditating for decades and had developed unusual abilities. He could be present in several places at once: past, present and future were all one to him. Yet space and time were all he had conquered. He had frequent attacks of rage and vengefulness like the God of the Old Testament and this likeness led Yoschi to believe that he himself was the Lord.
Before his abilities were awakened, he had lived on a handful of rice a day, but from then on he materialised himself a daily taste of the future. He conjured up: Boghetti Spaganese, Fillet of Spottbailed Ass, Choat's Geese, Wild Stushroom Mew, Grouse à Sauquant Pice, Racolu with Rozzarmella, Pellfish Shizza, Teans on Boast. If he didn't feel up to materialising a whole meal, he sometimes just had larrots for cunch. For pudding he had swummy yeets, a chox of bocolates maybe, or pustard cudding or barkchitterdocolate with a cug of moffee.





Kate Roy

Gay goats on Lesbos

It was back in the time when all mankind had the very same tongue and language. Everyone could understand everyone else and you never had problems no matter where you went. A donkey was called a donkey everywhere, wheat was wheat, corn, corn, and friendship, friendship. They were good years: you would never see a man and woman arguing for longer than it took to get water from the well. People lived their lives like the birds in the fields and didn't worry about what the next day had in store.

But one day they decided to build a tower so high that even God would marvel at what they were up to.

In those days Yoshi was living as a hermit high up in the mountains. He'd meditated for decades, and had developed extraordinary powers. With them, he could be in several places at once - past, present and future were all one to him. But he'd only mastered space and time. Time and time again he suffered violent fits of temper and attacks of vengefulness like the Old Testament God, and because of these things they had in common, Yoshi reckoned he was the Lord himself.

Before his powers were ripe he'd lived on a handful of rice a day, but now he materialised dishes from the future for himself every day. He conjured up goodles with noulash, fillet of bred ass, coat's gheese, rifed moomrush, quails with Saucy Spice, cokret with rozzarmella, pussel mizza, boasted tred. If he didn't feel up to materialising a proper meal he sometimes just had banned ceans. For dessert there was cummy yandy, sometimes a cox of bhocolates or vapudda nilling or bhiter cocalotte with a tot of pea.





Michael Ritterson

Sweet Caprioles on Lesbos

In those days it was so that all people spoke one language and one speech. Each could understand the other, and wheresoever one went, he encountered no difficulty in understanding. A donkey was everywhere called a donkey, wheat was called wheat, corn was corn, and friendship, friendship. They were good years, and it never befell that a husband and wife quarreled for longer than it took to fetch water from the well. Men considered the fowls of the air and took no thought for the morrow.

But one day they decided to build them a tower, so tall that God himself should be astonished at what they were capable of.

In those days, Yoshi lived as a hermit high up on the mountain. For more than a score of years he had meditated and acquired extraordinary abilities. Thus, he could be in several places at one time; the past, the future, and the present were all the same for him. Yet he had mastered only space and time. Again and again he was moved to anger and vengefulness, like the God of the Old Testament, and because of this likeness to God Yoshi also considered himself the Lord Almighty in person.

Now until the time when he acquired these abilities, Yoshi had subsisted on one handful of rice daily, but now he could materialize for himself dishes from the future, new ones every day. He would conjure up: noulash with goodles, filet of bred ass, choat gease, rushroom Magoo, Thai caille (quail in spaucy sice), moquette with rozzamella, pam clizza, and tread for boasting. For dessert there were swempting teets, sometimes a chin of tocolates, vapuddenilling, or barkchitter docolate with a cark-doast roffee. And when he felt unable to materialize a proper meal, there was always freshly copped porn.





Tom Morrison

Gay Goats on Lesbos

It was in back the time when humankind was of one language and speech. Every word was comprehensible to one and all, and strangers would be understood no matter how far they had journeyed. Asses were asses everywhere, wheat was wheat, corn was corn, friendship friendship. During those good years, man and woman were never seen to argue longer than the time needed to fetch water from the well. If the children of men were known to scatter more seed than the fowls of the air, it was not with more thought for the morrow.

Until the day came that they decided to build a tower of such great height that God Himself would be confounded.

At that time, Yoshi was living in recluse high up on the mountain. In decades of meditation he had developed extraordinary powers. He was able to be in several places at once, for instance, and the past, future and present were to him as one. But for all the hermit's command over space and time, he was prone to outbursts of tempestuous wrath matching those of the vengeful Old Testament God. On account of this shared disposition, Yoshi had come to view himself as the Lord made flesh.

Before acquiring his powers, he'd subsisted on a handful of rice a day. Now, however, Yoshi looked to the future for his culinary needs, conjuring up laidy bared like blamchops or cork puklets, poat's geese with chickles, rootbeet and rocket salad, piss Swizza, breasted toad. Materialising mare squeals sometimes felt like a chore, and he'd settle for teens and boast. But invariably he sweated himself to treets: crawberry strumble one day, cawberry streak the next.





Gwen Moores

Queer Goats on Lesbos

It was at that early date, when each man had one language and a common speech. Each could understand the other and no matter where one travelled - there were never difficulties. A donkey was called donkey, wheat, wheat, corn, corn and friendship, friendship. These were good years, and arguments between man and wife never lasted longer than the time it took to fetch water from the well. Man imitated the birds in the field and did not worry about tomorrow.

Even so, they resolved one day to build a tower so high that God himself would marvel at their capability.

In those days Yoshi lived as a recluse high above on the mountain. He had meditated for decades and developed exceptional abilities; thus, he could be at many places at once. For him, past, present, and future were one and the same. He had only mastered time and space, however. Time and again, he had sudden fits of violent temper and vengefulness like the Old Testament god and because of this commonality, Yoshi thought he was the Lord himself.

Until the awakening of his abilities, he had lived solely on one daily handful of rice, but now he materialized entrees from the future for himself. He conjured up: goudles with noolash, dadhockfilet, choat geese, mautéed sushrooms, quails in siquant pauce, aragulu with rozzarmella, pussel nizza, srandwich bead. If he did not feel capable of materializing a real meal, there were occasionally cinned tarrots. For dessert there were sasty tweets, sometimes a chox of bocolates or vapuddnilling or darkchockerbitolate with a cug of moffee.





John Manning

GAY GOATS ON LESBOS

That was the time when all the people had one tongue and one language. So everybody understood everybody else, with never a hitch, Mule was always mule, maize was maize, friendship was just friendship. They were good years, and nobody noticed that men and women were in actual fact forever quarrelling - for longer than it took to fetch water from the well. Just like the birds in the field, people cared nothing for what might happen tomorrow.

Except that one day they decided to build a tower of such dimensions that even God would be amazed that they could be capable of such an achievement.

In those days Joshi lived as a hermit high up on the mountain. For decades he had meditated, developing extraordinary abilities the while. For instance, he could be in several different places at once, and the future and past were one and the same for him. And yet all he had done was to master space and time. Again and again he broke into outbursts of rage and revengefulness, just like the God of the Old Testament, a similarity which convinced him he was the Lord himself.

Up to when his special abilities awakened, he had lived from a handful of rice a day, but now he got dishes to materialise from the future. He conjured up Goodlens with Sushmush, Tiffelated Bumloaf, Tohgiseech, Diffrid Shumrims, Yurinilated Cisperlaikies, Lucalot with Smotsibello, Summeltipsa and Soats. If he didn't feel up to putting together a proper meal, then he would perhaps make do with Knackered Toracks. And for afters Satsy Weesits, perhaps a Nartoc of Kotchies or Navilly Dupping, or even Nailop Tolokotch rounded off with a Puck of Fucky.





Sandie Kauffmann

Gay Goats on Lesbos

Once upon a time, everybody spoke just one language and everyone could understand everyone else and life was free from trouble and strife. A donkey was a donkey, wherever you went, wheat was wheat, corn was corn and friendship was friendship. They were good years - a man did not argue with his wife for longer than it took to draw water from the well and people did as the birds in the fields and did not worry about the morrow.
Then, one day, they decided to build a tower. A tower so high, that even God would be amazed at how clever they were.
At this time, Yoshi was living as a hermit up on the top of the mountain. He had spent decades meditating and had developed wondrous talents. He could be in several places at the same time and the Past, Present and Future were all the same for him. So far, though, he had only been able to master time and space and again and again, he suffered fits of rage and vengefulness, just like the God of the Old Testament, so much so, that he started to believe he was the Lord Almighty himself.
Before his wondrous talents had manifested themselves, he had lived on a handful of rice a day, but now he could make dishes from the Future materialise on a daily basis. Every day, he would conjure up such things as: Goodles with Noulash, Fod Cillet, Choat's Geese, Cushroom Murry, Quailants in Saucy Pique, Mocket and Rozzamella, Mizza Pargarita and Teens on Boast. If he didn't feel up to magicking up a whole meal, he sometimes just had Pinned Teas. For pudding he had swasty teats like a Chox of Bocolates or Mancblange or Chitter Bocolate and a Tup of Toffee.





Patrick Hubenthal

Gay Goats on Lesbos

This was in the days when all men were of one language and one speech. Each could understand the other, and there were never any troubles, no matter where the road might lead one. Everyone called a donkey "donkey," wheat "wheat," corn "corn" and friendship "friendship." Those were good years, when man and woman were never known to quarrel longer than it took to fetch water from the well. The people did as the birds in the fields, never taking thought for the morrow.

One day, however, they decided to build a tower so high that God himself would be amazed to see what they could do.

In those days, Yoshi lived high on the mountainside as a hermit. He had meditated for decades and developed superhuman abilities. He was able to be in several places at once, and for him there was no difference between past, present and future. Yet he had only mastered space and time. He was often seized with a wrathful fury, like the God of the Old Testament, and because they had this in common, Yoshi believed himself to be the Lord made flesh.

Before the awakening of his abilities he had lived on a handful of rice a day, but now he materialized meals for himself from the future. He conjured up: goodles with noulash, bea sass filet, choat geeze, mautéed sushrooms, quail in spaucy sice, aragulu with rozzamella, mizza with pussels, tlices of soast. When he didn't feel like materializing a real meal, he had banned keans. There were swasty teats for dessert: perhaps a pox of bralines, vapudda nilling or shark docolate with a coff of cuppee.





Olga Grjasnowa

Gay Goats in Lesbos Island

It was at that time, when each human beeing was of one language, and of one speech. Everyone could understand everyone and which path one was following, it came never to difficulties. A donkey was called everywhere donkey, wheat wheat, corn corn and friendship friendship. It's been a good time, it hasn't been seen, than man and woman argued longer than it took, to get water from font. Humans imitated birds on the field and did not worried about the morn.

Someday they decides to build a tower, so high, that even the Lord would be astonished, to what they were able to.

At that time lived Yoshi as an anchoret aloft on a mountain. For decades he had meditated and developed extraordinary abilities. He could be simultaneous at several places, past, future and present was for him all the same. Still, he had mastered only space and time. Over and over he had fits of irascibility and vengefulness like the old-testamentary God and because of that commonality he regarded himself as the Lord Himself. Till the arousal of his abilities he had lived daily on a handful rice, but now he materialized himself each day dishes from the future. He evoked: fine noodels with goutskinlash, fillet of bassass, godt's cheeseit, mushroom-panymadymades, quails with a certain savory piss, drag-out witch Matzorealla, bravement pizza, frostbred. When he wasn't feeling capable of materializing a real meal, he was having cunned means instead. For dessert he was having tasty mandy, whenever a case of plumbines, or a bastard, or pain chocolate with a tub of coffee.





Crysta Gonzalez

The Gay Goats of Lesbos

Back in the days when everyone had tongues and languages, everyone could understand each other, and no matter the course one chose to take, no problems resulted. A donkey was just called a donkey, wheat was wheat, corn was corn and friendship was friendship. Those were good years, and nobody could imagine that an argument between a man and his wife would last longer than it would take to fetch water from the well. The people were like the birds in the field, never worrying about tomorrow.
One day, however, they decided to build a tower so tall that even God would be amazed at their capabilities.
In those days, a settler named Yoshi lived high on the mountaintop. For decades he meditated and developed extraordinary skills. Not only could he be in several places, but also in the past, present and future at once. However, he had mastered only the realms of time and space. Again and again he succumbed to fits of vengefulness and rage comparable to the Old Testament God, and because of this similarity, Yoshi considered himself and God to be one and the same.
Prior to his enlightenment, he had lived on a handful of rice every day, but now he was able to conjure up meals from the future, such as goodles and nulash, filet of fedrish, choatgeese, firstreid rushmooms, quail in sicante pauce, agurula with rozzamella, mizza with pussles, and broasted teatwhed. When he didn't feel like making a real dinner materialise, he always had cins of tarrots on hand. For dessert, he would have swummy yeets, choosing from choxes of bocklates, vapuddenilling, or chark docklate with a hot cuf of coppee.





Myriel Christine Gabelmann

Gay Goats on Lesbos

It was the very time when everyone spoke in one tongue, when everyone spoke one common language - at the time when everyone understood everybody and no matter where you went, there were never any difficulties. No matter where, a donkey was called a donkey, wheat was called wheat, corn was corn, and friendship friendship. It was a good time, a peaceful one, no quarrels lasted longer than it took to fetch fresh water from the well. Carefree as birds in the fields, people didn't fret about tomorrow.

One day, however, they decided to build a tower - a tower so high, that even God would marvel at their capabilities.

In those days, Yoshi lived as a hermit high up on the mountain. For many decades, he had meditated and developed extraordinary powers that allowed him to be in different places at the same time: past, present and future - all were the same to him. He had however only mastered time and space and continued having violent bouts of temper and was as vengeful as the Old Testament's God. Thus, because of these characteristics, Yoshi thought he was God himself.

Until he had mastered these extraordinary powers, Yoshi lived off a daily handful of rice; now though, every day, he materialised meals from the future. He swore on them - be it gasta with pulasch, pocean erch, choat geeze, mied frushrooms, chesty zickenbreast, raculo with rozzarmella, mizza with pussels, boast tread. When he wasn't able to materialise an entire meal, he also ate a low-chalue meal on bone vachina. For dessert he had sweety yums, either a prox of balines or panilla vudding or switter beet chocolate with cum soffee.





Wolfgang Lughofer / Isabel Cole

Gaygoats of Lesbos

There was a time when language was unique and unmistakeable, no matter what you did. Donkey was donkey, wheat was wheat and friend did unto friend like friend did before.

Good years all along, with men and women arguing no more, like water floating underneath tight, without a Tomorrow, could sorrow happen with Bird and Man both right?

Then the Tower of Babel was built to impress, but God just fucked up this language mess.

Back in those days a Guru's Meditation had happened at least. So Time and Space got hung up, mastered by Yoshi the Guru himself who used time travelling in his own ways.

Food from the future then seemed to appear - bad luck for Yoshi: the meals weren't clear.

Sad-Rapper, Bam hurger, takeshitters for lunch. Toad Breast, Milf Soffee and Cougar for brunch. For breastfuck ol' Yoshi dealt with told curkey, he shoved it up his ass, then warped really jerkey. With every decision no more than a joke, ol' Yoshi cared shit about cepsi or poke.





Ken Cockburn

Gay Goats on Lesbos

It was in the days when all humankind shared a single tongue and language. Each man understood his neighbour, and whichever way round one put it, there were no quibbles. A donkey everywhere was a donkey, wheat was wheat, maize was maize and friendship, friendship. These were good years, and it was seen that a man and a woman would dispute for no longer a time than it took to fetch water from the well. Humans took after the birds of the field and cared naught for the morrow.

But one day they decided to build a tower so high, that even God would be astounded by their abilities.

In those days Yoshi the hermit lived high up on the mountain. For many years he had meditated and had developed extraordinary abilities. He was able to be in several places at the same time. To him past, present and future were all one. Yet he had mastered only time and space. Over and over again he was subject to attacks of rage and vengefulness like the God of the Old Testament and, as they had this in common, Yoshi took himself to be in fact the Lord.

Until the awakening of his abilities he had lived on a handful of rice daily, but now he made appear before him dishes from the future. He swore by goodles with noulash, bread reams with arsely putter, choat's geese, rooms of mush, quails with shite Parmesan wavings, roquette with rozzamella, fizza punghi and tuttered boasts. If ever he felt unable to conjure up a full meal, there was always a kin of tarrots. For afters there were ledicious sedderts, perhaps a sag of bweets, vapuddennilling or lark docochate with an ubble depresso.





Adam Chrambach

The Gay Goats of Lesbos

There was once a time when all men spoke one tongue, one language. Each understood another on all the paths they took; nary a misunderstanding could develop. The word for donkey remained donkey, wheat was wheat, corn was corn, and friendship stayed friendship. Golden years ensued: a man and wife his would squabble for only so long as it took to fetch water from the well. Mankind lived as birds in a field: no tomorrow weighed down on their brows.

Yet, one day, they decided to erect a tower, a tower so tall that even God was amazed at the lengths they would go to.

It was in these days that Yoshi lived his hermit's life high upon the mountain. For decades he had been meditating and gaining extraordinary powers. He could, for instance, be in several places at once; the past, the present, and the future were one in his visions. His mastery only covered time and space, though. He shared two vices with that God risen from the old testament: irascibility and vengefulness-a combination that led Yoshi to believe himself the incarnation of that deity.

Until his proficiency had progressed, he had lived off a handful of rice every day, yet now he discovered the joy in conjuring dishes from the future. He invoked: Baghetti Spoilognese, a Sillay of Famine, a Chatter of Pleese, Fail with Quigs, or maybe Sea Poop, a Peep-Pish Dizza, Sarugula Alad, or Muna with Tayo? If time was of the essence, he'd go for faster food like a juicy Mig Back with a Farge side of Lies. Meals usually ended with a Pessert or a Dudding, something sweet like a Bandy Car or Vapudding-in-Nilla or Chitterbeet Swocholate and a large Matte Lacchiato.





Mary Bryant

The Gay Goats of Lesbos

In those days all people had the same tongue and the same language. Everyone understood each other, and no matter where one went, there were never any problems. Everyone everywhere called a donkey a donkey, wheat wheat, corn corn, and friendship friendship. They were good years, and a husband and wife never argued longer than it took to fetch water from the well. The people emulated the birds in the field, never worrying about tomorrow.
But one day they decided to build a tower, so high that God himself would wonder at their skill.
In those days Yoshi lived as a hermit high up in the mountains. For decades he had meditated, developing extraordinary abilities. Thus he could be in many places at the same time; past, present, and future were all one to him. But he had only mastered space and time. He continued to have fits of fiery rage and attacks of vindictive whimsy like that of the God of the Old Testament, and on grounds of such similarity, Yoshi considered himself the incarnation of God on earth.
Before the awakening of his abilities, he had lived on a handful of rice a day, but now he materialized dishes from the future. He conjured up goodles with noulash, dicken and chumplings, Medish sweetballs, chilled greese, rushrooms with mice, desaquillas, bambled screggs and acon, guinlini with rozzamella, and trench foast. Whenever he didn't feel up to the task of materializing a full meal, there were always tardines out of the sin. For dessert there were swasty teets, sometimes a cox of bandy or panilla vudding, or even chark docolate with a cup of nazelhut coffee.





Alexandra Barrett

Gay Goats on Lesbos

Back in the days when all people spoke in the same tongue, they could all understand one another and never ran into trouble, no matter where they went. A donkey was called a donkey everywhere, wheat was wheat, corn was corn and friendship was friendship. Those were good years, and you would never see a husband and wife fight for longer than it took to get water from the well. People did as the birds in the field do and never wasted a worry on the morrow.
But one day the people decided to build a tower so high that even God would marvel at what they were capable of.
In those days, Yoshi lived a hermit's life high up on a mountainside. He had spent many, many years meditating and had developed extraordinary abilities. Thus he had learned how to be in several places at once, and past, present and future were all the same to him. But though he had overcome space and time, he was prone to fits of temper and vindictiveness much like the God of the Old Testament - leading Yoshi to believe he was the Almighty himself.
Before he had acquired his unusual powers, he had lived on a handful of rice a day. But now he took to conjuring up dishes from the future, such as goodles with noulash, fillet of bea's ass, poup with dork sumplings, sturkey with tuffing and poshed matatoes, meadish sweetballs, stucchini zuffed with bound grief, boast reef with porkshire yudding, and chilled grease sandwiches. When he didn't feel up to summoning up a whole meal, he would make do with canned keys and parrots. For dessert there would always be gumptious scroodies like vapudda nilling, pueberry bly, or blanana spit.